by the Bubonic Illiterate
It feels like D-Trump has dumped a Washington, D.C.-sized bucket of hot grease on the world’s good intentions, and now most of us are sizzling with rage like freshly fried mozzarella sticks— rigid and cheesed—our faith in humanity starting to feel like Fred Krueger’s face.
In light of all the Women’s Marches that have recently taken place, I’ve decided to give some praise to my favourite, often overlooked female villains of horror—overlooked because, typically, they’re just secondary or tertiary spooks in their respective films. Still, nothing would make me happier than to see any one of these female fiends in a pink knit cap, bringing her fist down on the oval office door.
1: Mrs. Massey – The Shining
When one thinks of The Shining, a plethora of images comes to mind: Jack Nicholson wielding an axe, Shelly Duval’s bug-eyed, petrified face, the somber Grady twins holding hands in a floral-wallpapered hallway. For me, though, it’s Mrs. Massey. From the mint-green bathtub she crawls out of to the green flesh of her water-soaked sores, Mrs. Massey is the real MVP of The Shining.
2: The Nun – The Exorcist III
The Exorcist III is a hell of a good sequel, and for a handful of reasons. Most notably, it’s got one of the most effective jump-scares in horror film history: a snow-white nun coming at a nurse with a pair of the largest shears you’ve ever seen. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favour. Do yourself another and have a change of underwear close by, too.
3: Zelda – Pet Sematary
“Raaaaaachell!!” Good lord, Zelda freaks me out. It’s not so much her appearance (though her rail-thinness is totally harrowing) as it is her spring-loaded movements. When she flings herself into a sitting position on her bed, her neck all twisted and back all bones … Jesus, I get shivers just thinking about it. And even though Zelda was played by a man, her character is female, and deserves a good chunk of credit for, in addition to ruining my childhood, making Pet Sematary the gem that it is.
4. Patricia Ann Bradley – The Frighteners
I’ve always loved The Frighteners. It’s fun, dark, and stars Michael J. Fox. What’s not to love? What’s particularly memorable is Dee Wallace Stone’s performance as girlfriend and love-fueled murder accomplice to Johnny Bartlett. Her maniacal dedication to killing is simply awesome, and a large part of what drives the horror into this horror-comedy.
5. Mrs. Kersh – IT
It seems there’s a Stephen King trend going on here. So sue me. As a Gen Y kid, I was raised on these films, and I’d be denying myself an honest list if I didn’t include her. What’s scariest about Mrs. Kersh is that, initially, she’s a comforting character, one you could love like your own grandmother, what with her tea-cup sweetness and gentle concern—that is, until her teeth begin to rot and her face melts into a gruesome rubbery mask of elderly terror, of course.